Inter-Galactic Memo
Special Edition
Fr: W. Leavitt Crypto-Paleo-geologist
To: All interested parties
Re: New, superior theory
The Treadmill Theory of Geological Relocation: A creative extrapolation of the Plate Tectonic Theory©
Abstract:
In 1973 Dr Stefan Peiterson of the Danish Polytechnic Institute for Geological Research introduced a radical and provocative new theory to explain not only the movement of continental plates, but the mysterious archeological evidence of displaced artifacts of an Atlantean culture found in the deserts of Arizona and New Mexico.
Famed Amateur Archeologist, William Hidden, Associate Professor of Franchise-Commerce at the University of New Mexico, had stunned the world with his discovery of ruins and artifacts outside of Wickenburg Arizona which hinted at a coastal, sea-faring race, fifty thousand years before the advent of Native American cultures. Hidden, universally reviled for his discoveries and spectacular interpretation of the evidence, endured a life of professional persecution and ridicule until Dr Peiterson announced his Theory of Geological Relocation, sometimes referred to as the “What goes around comes around” theory.
The theory explains the true nature of plate-dynamics as well as the existence of Hidden’s artifacts thousands of miles from the Atlantic Ocean, which is the traditional location of all Atlantean theories.
The basic aspects of the theory are these: Plates turn back on themselves, similar to the ubiquitous treadmills in health clubs, thus allowing every point of longitude on a given continent to be revisited by a given piece of land, and at a given (estimatable) sequence of repeatable times based on geological eras.
It is commonly believed that continental plates are able to move about on the mantle, rubbing against each other, often one plate sliding or being forced (subduction) under another, causing seismic events, volcanoes, and other phenomena. According to Dr. Peiterson’s brilliant conclusions the plates not only rub against each other, but because of the treadmill effect, with a lubricating interior of magma and large, mountain-sized naturally forming ball bearings of primordial stone, [see attached diagram] the crustal plate is turned on itself, dives deep into the mantle where it continues moving in the opposite direction until it reemerges right where it was a million years ago, give or take. As an example, in a million years, Charlotte, North Carolina will have moved to approximately where Albuquerque New Mexico is today, while Albuquerque will be deep in the interior of the earth, upside down, as it were, moving back to the east coast. Thus we see that the area around Wickenburg AZ was once on the east coast of the North American continent and in a position to have been populated by colonists from the mother country of Atlantis.
For further details on this and other matters relating to the Wickenburg Phenomenon, look for the up-coming book by W.A. Leavitt and D.P. Langholf, tentatively titled The Wickenburg Triangle Exposed.
Also: The Wickenburg Phenomenon Research Society of Holbrook Arizona, The Flint Michigan Golden Years Winnebago Travel Club Newsletter, the Michelin Truckers Guide to the Southwest, and the Firestone Tire and Rubber Co. special edition: Medicine Wheels, Then and Now, The College of Hamburger Knowledge, and The Journal of the Criminally Insane, a scholarly journal published by the Miskitonic Institute of Providence Rhode Island.
Sorry, I could not figure out how to put the diagram in.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
IGM Giant Snakes
Inter-Galactic Memo
FR: W. Leavitt, Crypto-Zoologist
TO: Everyone who has the misfortune of not being me
RE: Sweet vindication
In science news this morning we have a report from Columbia. The partial remains of a fossilized serpent were found in a coal mine there. The remains indicate a distant relative of the Boa Constrictor and scientists believe the specimen was at least forty feet long, perhaps longer. They estimate it weighed in excess of one ton. This is great news. I’m sure we have all seen those wonderful movies about giant snakes, like Anaconda, not to mention the seven or eight sequels. The Sci-Fi channel airs at least one movie a month about a giant snake (probably because the CGI is already in place which makes the movie cheaper to film.)
Those of us who have dedicated our lives to investigating imaginary flora and fauna are greatly relieved to finally have proof of the giant snake. This prehistoric creature was big enough to swallow a full grown human, which right away makes it cooler than lots of other things. It is unfortunate that the snake appears to have not been poisonous, but we can’t have everything.
Most giant snake movies take place in the Amazon basin, where the Anaconda lives, because it is the biggest snake alive today. We have always been sure there are larger examples living in the deepest recesses of the swampy jungle and now we have demonstrably speculative evidence of that very thing. So the next time you see a movie with giant, man-eating snakes, don’t pass it off as sophomoric nonsense. We now have absolute proof that it is possible that there are giant snakes living in the sewers of New York City.
FR: W. Leavitt, Crypto-Zoologist
TO: Everyone who has the misfortune of not being me
RE: Sweet vindication
In science news this morning we have a report from Columbia. The partial remains of a fossilized serpent were found in a coal mine there. The remains indicate a distant relative of the Boa Constrictor and scientists believe the specimen was at least forty feet long, perhaps longer. They estimate it weighed in excess of one ton. This is great news. I’m sure we have all seen those wonderful movies about giant snakes, like Anaconda, not to mention the seven or eight sequels. The Sci-Fi channel airs at least one movie a month about a giant snake (probably because the CGI is already in place which makes the movie cheaper to film.)
Those of us who have dedicated our lives to investigating imaginary flora and fauna are greatly relieved to finally have proof of the giant snake. This prehistoric creature was big enough to swallow a full grown human, which right away makes it cooler than lots of other things. It is unfortunate that the snake appears to have not been poisonous, but we can’t have everything.
Most giant snake movies take place in the Amazon basin, where the Anaconda lives, because it is the biggest snake alive today. We have always been sure there are larger examples living in the deepest recesses of the swampy jungle and now we have demonstrably speculative evidence of that very thing. So the next time you see a movie with giant, man-eating snakes, don’t pass it off as sophomoric nonsense. We now have absolute proof that it is possible that there are giant snakes living in the sewers of New York City.
IGM X-rays
Inter-Galactic Memo
Fr: W. Leavitt
To: Interested parties
Re: New source of X-rays
This is such a great story. Dateline: Physorg.com. A team of scientists from UCLA have accidentally discovered a new source of X-Rays. Are you ready? It’s Scotch Tape™. To quote Dave Berry, “I’m not making this up.”
Peeling tape from a roll of Scotch releases tiny bursts of X-rays that are powerful enough to take images of bones in fingers and hands, researchers have found.
Best of all, they have no idea why. The story is that years ago Russian scientists noticed an unusual effect when pulling sticky tape at just the right speed—it releases radiation.
The UCLA boys and girls tried it a few times and actually got images of their finger bones. So they set up an experiment and peeled the tape (at 1.18 inches per second) in a vacuum and were able to measure the amount of radiation. It was indeed enough to create images. Boy, those science guys . . . I’ll bet they had more fun engineering a device that peels tape at precisely 1.18 ips than they did having sex that one time.
There is a theory, which is called triboluminescence, which occurs when two contacting surfaces move relative to each other.
The impact of this will be, of course, devastating to the public, especially school teachers, who pull miles of scotch tape per year. Who knew we were irradiating ourselves on a daily basis? Pretty cool, huh?
But not to worry. There is a little known and often ridiculed phenomenon called Hormesis. This idea suggests that, since we evolved in a radioactive environment (everybody knows that right? Much more radioactive in the past than now), a small amount of naturally occurring background radiation is necessary for our overall health. Hormesis is real, and can be experimentally verified on plants as well as mice and Liberals. So don’t worry when you peel that tape (Scotch Magic tape doesn’t work) and get a dose—it’s good for what ails you. And at a time interval of a billionth of a second per burst, at 100 milliwatts, it would take several thousand miles of tugs to do any damage, which, even then, would only be statistical.
"It is a discharge process," said Camara. "It is not clear exactly what mechanism is taking place, but electrons are plainly flying from one side to the other at very high speed and when they hit the other side and they stop, X-rays are emitted.
Someday, this may lead to cheaper and safer X-ray machines. But don’t hold your breath.
Fr: W. Leavitt
To: Interested parties
Re: New source of X-rays
This is such a great story. Dateline: Physorg.com. A team of scientists from UCLA have accidentally discovered a new source of X-Rays. Are you ready? It’s Scotch Tape™. To quote Dave Berry, “I’m not making this up.”
Peeling tape from a roll of Scotch releases tiny bursts of X-rays that are powerful enough to take images of bones in fingers and hands, researchers have found.
Best of all, they have no idea why. The story is that years ago Russian scientists noticed an unusual effect when pulling sticky tape at just the right speed—it releases radiation.
The UCLA boys and girls tried it a few times and actually got images of their finger bones. So they set up an experiment and peeled the tape (at 1.18 inches per second) in a vacuum and were able to measure the amount of radiation. It was indeed enough to create images. Boy, those science guys . . . I’ll bet they had more fun engineering a device that peels tape at precisely 1.18 ips than they did having sex that one time.
There is a theory, which is called triboluminescence, which occurs when two contacting surfaces move relative to each other.
The impact of this will be, of course, devastating to the public, especially school teachers, who pull miles of scotch tape per year. Who knew we were irradiating ourselves on a daily basis? Pretty cool, huh?
But not to worry. There is a little known and often ridiculed phenomenon called Hormesis. This idea suggests that, since we evolved in a radioactive environment (everybody knows that right? Much more radioactive in the past than now), a small amount of naturally occurring background radiation is necessary for our overall health. Hormesis is real, and can be experimentally verified on plants as well as mice and Liberals. So don’t worry when you peel that tape (Scotch Magic tape doesn’t work) and get a dose—it’s good for what ails you. And at a time interval of a billionth of a second per burst, at 100 milliwatts, it would take several thousand miles of tugs to do any damage, which, even then, would only be statistical.
"It is a discharge process," said Camara. "It is not clear exactly what mechanism is taking place, but electrons are plainly flying from one side to the other at very high speed and when they hit the other side and they stop, X-rays are emitted.
Someday, this may lead to cheaper and safer X-ray machines. But don’t hold your breath.
Friday, October 3, 2008
IGM The Next Big Bail-out
Intergalactic Memo
To: All thinking creatures
Fr: W. Leavitt
Re: The next big bailout
I was watching Glen Beck interviewing Ted Nugent earlier, which is one of my favorite things to do, when one of those 30 second news breaks came on with the commercials.
The bodiless voice told us that Governor Schwarzenegger has asked the Feds for a 7 Billion dollar emergency loan. He says its necessary to meet payroll—especially teachers—and if they don’t get it the state will be out of cash in a month. Schools will close. Public Safety (police and fire) will be put on emergency minimum shifts, etc.
It occurred to me—because, you know, I think about this stuff—that this was an admission of some kind. But it is not really a mystery. Here’s why:
When it comes to levying and collecting taxes, California is one of the top three states. They take in more money every year than 90% of the countries on earth. Look it up. Their budget is in the hundreds of billions, possibly over a trillion by now. You can look that up too if you want, but I’m not going to.
So, if they take in more money than France or Germany or Italy or Greece or Norway or Sweden, etc, etc, where did all the money go? How could they possibly not have enough to even meet payroll? I thought about it for a few seconds and the answer came to me as a voice from somewhere above me. Well, a little above, and to the left and behind me, like, over my shoulder from somewhere in the kitchen, but it was there, I swear it.
It is two-fold. I will expose them Socratically. First, how does California collect so much money? From where does it come? They collect it in the form of one of the most egregious, outrageously anti-capitalistic, anti-liberty and independence tax systems in the history of the world. They are sucking dry the teat that feeds them. Which is for-profit business. The private sector.
The people who work for business are being killed as well, but not to the extent businesses are. The money goes directly into that huge bureaucratic dumpster affectionately called entitlements. Welfare. Social programs. Special Ed, No Child Left Behind (which Congress neglected to fund, leaving it up to the states), Head Start, Lunch Programs, Section 8 Housing, and on and on. Notice that not one of these items I mentioned sounds in any way wrong, or mean-spirited, or unnecessary. But California can’t afford it all. And that is always the problem with well-meaning but hopelessly clueless, emotionally-driven people. (You know—liberals.) They insist on biting off more than the rest of us can chew. They refuse to set limits, preferring to live in a dream world where the money will always come from somewhere. But the money comes from people’s pockets. People who hire millions of other people. And eventually, the ones who believe—erroneously—that taxing profit out of existence is a good thing, manage to do it. Then the business closes, the jobs vanish, the tax revenues dry up, and California finds itself bankrupt. Again.
Which brings us to the second reason. At some point, the people who generate most of the revenue that goes for all the entitlements, decide they’ve had enough. They close their business and move to another state, or country, or go to work as an employee, still paying taxes, but not quite as much. We experienced this a few years ago when thousands of business relocated to Nevada from California, and hundreds of thousands of people moved along with them, which artificially inflated the real estate, which made it necessary for Congress to force the banks to loan money to everybody, which . . . well, you get my point. All that money California thought they had, and would always be there, vanished. I would have told them it would happen for a lousy million. Tax-free obviously.
California literally brought this on themselves. And they have to be bailed out. And it will come out of your (our) pockets . . . as always. And the next time some moron proposes a feel-good government program, we will forget all about not having enough to pay for everything, and do it all again. Oh wait—they just did.
To: All thinking creatures
Fr: W. Leavitt
Re: The next big bailout
I was watching Glen Beck interviewing Ted Nugent earlier, which is one of my favorite things to do, when one of those 30 second news breaks came on with the commercials.
The bodiless voice told us that Governor Schwarzenegger has asked the Feds for a 7 Billion dollar emergency loan. He says its necessary to meet payroll—especially teachers—and if they don’t get it the state will be out of cash in a month. Schools will close. Public Safety (police and fire) will be put on emergency minimum shifts, etc.
It occurred to me—because, you know, I think about this stuff—that this was an admission of some kind. But it is not really a mystery. Here’s why:
When it comes to levying and collecting taxes, California is one of the top three states. They take in more money every year than 90% of the countries on earth. Look it up. Their budget is in the hundreds of billions, possibly over a trillion by now. You can look that up too if you want, but I’m not going to.
So, if they take in more money than France or Germany or Italy or Greece or Norway or Sweden, etc, etc, where did all the money go? How could they possibly not have enough to even meet payroll? I thought about it for a few seconds and the answer came to me as a voice from somewhere above me. Well, a little above, and to the left and behind me, like, over my shoulder from somewhere in the kitchen, but it was there, I swear it.
It is two-fold. I will expose them Socratically. First, how does California collect so much money? From where does it come? They collect it in the form of one of the most egregious, outrageously anti-capitalistic, anti-liberty and independence tax systems in the history of the world. They are sucking dry the teat that feeds them. Which is for-profit business. The private sector.
The people who work for business are being killed as well, but not to the extent businesses are. The money goes directly into that huge bureaucratic dumpster affectionately called entitlements. Welfare. Social programs. Special Ed, No Child Left Behind (which Congress neglected to fund, leaving it up to the states), Head Start, Lunch Programs, Section 8 Housing, and on and on. Notice that not one of these items I mentioned sounds in any way wrong, or mean-spirited, or unnecessary. But California can’t afford it all. And that is always the problem with well-meaning but hopelessly clueless, emotionally-driven people. (You know—liberals.) They insist on biting off more than the rest of us can chew. They refuse to set limits, preferring to live in a dream world where the money will always come from somewhere. But the money comes from people’s pockets. People who hire millions of other people. And eventually, the ones who believe—erroneously—that taxing profit out of existence is a good thing, manage to do it. Then the business closes, the jobs vanish, the tax revenues dry up, and California finds itself bankrupt. Again.
Which brings us to the second reason. At some point, the people who generate most of the revenue that goes for all the entitlements, decide they’ve had enough. They close their business and move to another state, or country, or go to work as an employee, still paying taxes, but not quite as much. We experienced this a few years ago when thousands of business relocated to Nevada from California, and hundreds of thousands of people moved along with them, which artificially inflated the real estate, which made it necessary for Congress to force the banks to loan money to everybody, which . . . well, you get my point. All that money California thought they had, and would always be there, vanished. I would have told them it would happen for a lousy million. Tax-free obviously.
California literally brought this on themselves. And they have to be bailed out. And it will come out of your (our) pockets . . . as always. And the next time some moron proposes a feel-good government program, we will forget all about not having enough to pay for everything, and do it all again. Oh wait—they just did.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)