IGM Say goodbye to librarians

Inter-Galactic Memo

To: All personnel
Fr: W. Leavitt, Crypto-librarian
Re: Say goodbye to “Librarian”

1-12-09, N. 069


According to News.scotsman.com, the city council of Edinburgh has decided to change the title of Librarian to “Audience Development Officers”. This is in order to reflect the changing times, responsibilities and skills Librarians now face. Apparently, the Librarians themselves, who were not consulted, are less than thrilled—to the tune of 95% of them voting to strike. Granted, they are disgruntled over other things as well, as the city shakes up the status quo. For one thing, they plan to install self-check in-and-out stations. I ask you, what self-respecting bibliophile will want to check out a book with a machine? People want to chat, to ask questions, interact. It’s not Smith’s or Home Depot., where we just want to get in and get out. Going to the library is an experience, a time-honored exchange of news and information, opinions and reviews. To say nothing of the entire Reference side of the building.
For a local opinion I went to the source. I asked Mrs. Lee, our very own Librarian, what she thought of the whole thing. She said, and I quote, “No you didn’t! I don’t know what you’re talking about. Stop making stuff up!” Which was less that helpful.
What could possibly be a more appropriate title for someone who works in a library, than Librarian? (Remember The Music Man? Marion, Madame Librarian? I loved that movie)
Personally, I think “Audience Development Officer” is a terrible replacement. I’m sure if we put our heads together we can do much better. Here are some suggestions:
Book Lender
Information and Technology Facilitator
Literary Engineer
Informational Text Specialist (Then we could have ranks; Specialist first class, specialist second class, etc.)
Book Monger
Computer Information and Application Specialist
Babysitter
Dewey Decimal Repository Engineer
Urban Camp Director
Master Story Teller
Human Knowledge Repository Curator

Feel free to come up with your own.
Librarians are some of the most important people in the civilized world. The knowledge to which they have ready access is not just staggering—it is the totality of knowledge. They are the guardians of human wisdom and folly. It’s too bad so few people realize this.

Well . . . you get the idea. In conclusion, I think the Edinburgh City Council is bonkers and should leave the title alone. It is perfect as it is.