IGM X-rays

Inter-Galactic Memo

Fr: W. Leavitt
To: Interested parties
Re: New source of X-rays

This is such a great story. Dateline: Physorg.com. A team of scientists from UCLA have accidentally discovered a new source of X-Rays. Are you ready? It’s Scotch Tape™. To quote Dave Berry, “I’m not making this up.”
Peeling tape from a roll of Scotch releases tiny bursts of X-rays that are powerful enough to take images of bones in fingers and hands, researchers have found.
Best of all, they have no idea why. The story is that years ago Russian scientists noticed an unusual effect when pulling sticky tape at just the right speed—it releases radiation.
The UCLA boys and girls tried it a few times and actually got images of their finger bones. So they set up an experiment and peeled the tape (at 1.18 inches per second) in a vacuum and were able to measure the amount of radiation. It was indeed enough to create images. Boy, those science guys . . . I’ll bet they had more fun engineering a device that peels tape at precisely 1.18 ips than they did having sex that one time.
There is a theory, which is called triboluminescence, which occurs when two contacting surfaces move relative to each other.
The impact of this will be, of course, devastating to the public, especially school teachers, who pull miles of scotch tape per year. Who knew we were irradiating ourselves on a daily basis? Pretty cool, huh?
But not to worry. There is a little known and often ridiculed phenomenon called Hormesis. This idea suggests that, since we evolved in a radioactive environment (everybody knows that right? Much more radioactive in the past than now), a small amount of naturally occurring background radiation is necessary for our overall health. Hormesis is real, and can be experimentally verified on plants as well as mice and Liberals. So don’t worry when you peel that tape (Scotch Magic tape doesn’t work) and get a dose—it’s good for what ails you. And at a time interval of a billionth of a second per burst, at 100 milliwatts, it would take several thousand miles of tugs to do any damage, which, even then, would only be statistical.
"It is a discharge process," said Camara. "It is not clear exactly what mechanism is taking place, but electrons are plainly flying from one side to the other at very high speed and when they hit the other side and they stop, X-rays are emitted.

Someday, this may lead to cheaper and safer X-ray machines. But don’t hold your breath.