IGM Giant Snakes

Inter-Galactic Memo

FR: W. Leavitt, Crypto-Zoologist
TO: Everyone who has the misfortune of not being me
RE: Sweet vindication


In science news this morning we have a report from Columbia. The partial remains of a fossilized serpent were found in a coal mine there. The remains indicate a distant relative of the Boa Constrictor and scientists believe the specimen was at least forty feet long, perhaps longer. They estimate it weighed in excess of one ton. This is great news. I’m sure we have all seen those wonderful movies about giant snakes, like Anaconda, not to mention the seven or eight sequels. The Sci-Fi channel airs at least one movie a month about a giant snake (probably because the CGI is already in place which makes the movie cheaper to film.)
Those of us who have dedicated our lives to investigating imaginary flora and fauna are greatly relieved to finally have proof of the giant snake. This prehistoric creature was big enough to swallow a full grown human, which right away makes it cooler than lots of other things. It is unfortunate that the snake appears to have not been poisonous, but we can’t have everything.
Most giant snake movies take place in the Amazon basin, where the Anaconda lives, because it is the biggest snake alive today. We have always been sure there are larger examples living in the deepest recesses of the swampy jungle and now we have demonstrably speculative evidence of that very thing. So the next time you see a movie with giant, man-eating snakes, don’t pass it off as sophomoric nonsense. We now have absolute proof that it is possible that there are giant snakes living in the sewers of New York City.