IGM The NASA Islam Connection

Inter-Galactic Memo
To: All Personnel
Fr: W. Leavitt
Re: The NASA Islam connection
7-6-2010

In a surprise move right out if the old “Bat-**** insane” playbook, President Obama has given a brave new mandate to the new head of NASA. According to an article in Google News, which quotes the new space boss, Obama told him in no uncertain terms that NASA’s number one priority now, will be improving relations with Muslims, and Islamic nations.

I don’t know about you, but when I read something like that, I experience a moment of severe cerebral short-circuiting.
“What? . . . . I mean . . . WHAT?”

But then, after I thought about it for a moment, it made perfect sense. Because, what else would NASA be doing, right? After all, they are the National Space and Aeronautic Administration, which puts them at the forefront of relations-building with nations and cultures which can barely figure out a flush toilet, much less conceive a need for, and design, a commode that works in zero gravity.

The obvious question I suppose, is, why would Obama list such a thing as a priority at all, much less for NASA, the least likely of all government agencies to have anything to do with our relations with Islam? Is it possible the President has a soft spot for Islam? Could it be that he considers himself a Muslim? Lots of people have been making that claim lately, and this certainly bolsters that radical possibility. Not that being Muslim in any way disqualifies him from being President—that’s not what this country is about.

Here’s the thing: Contrary to popular belief, and Charlie Rangel, NASA’s annual budget is miniscule. Things like this need to be put into some kind of perspective. Human and Social Services, as an example, spends NASA’s budget about every nine days. With that in mind, who in their right mind would task the National Space agency to spend hundreds of millions of its very limited budget, building good relations with Muslim—or any other—countries? I mean, seriously . . . . . how are they supposed to even do something like that?
“And this is a spacesuit . . . it’s air tight!”
“Behead the infidel!”

I’m not suggesting that good, or better, relations with Islam is a bad, or unnecessary thing. On the contrary, I’m sure improvements in that area would be wonderful. What I am suggesting, is that it might be less than appropriate for a high-tech, scientific organization, which does things in space, for America, to be our good-will ambassador to third-world countries. Don’t we already have agencies and organizations designed for just such things?
One wonders what the President has in mind. Maybe we can partner with Afghanistan to put poppies in orbit. Or go in with Iran to help them improve their long-range ballistic missile program, or accelerate their nuclear ambitions, or even give them a heads up on superior, heat-resistant and ablative material so they can make better tents.

I mean, if this is a good idea, why not task the Bureau of Indian Affairs to get together with the people of Indonesia and the Sudan and do little compare-and-contrast sessions on culture and religious traditions? Muslims would love that, right?

The next thing we know, someone from NASA is going to say the wrong thing, or misinterpret some innocent Jihadist remark, and we will find ourselves with a Fatwa against astronauts, and all “devil-spawned” satellites. Then we’ll be in a pickle. We’ll have to put the entire NASA program in orbit, just to keep it safe. And that will work, because one thing we can count on is that the current iteration of Islam will never have the technical, cultural, or philosophical wherewithal to get off the ground, much less into space.